I can't believe that I haven't written in a month or more. This is what happens when The Girl becomes involved in a long distance relationship (see previous blog). But that is all over now. No more A. And I'm okay with that. I broke it off. Long story short: don't lie. Don't lie about something stupid. Don't say things you don't mean. Regardless, he's still texting nearly daily which means that That Girl must be awesome in the sack. Not to toot my own horn but beep mother fuckin' beep!!!
Anyway, down to business. The month of April was full of all sorts of craziness. Intense sessions at the gym were concluded by overweight elderly women walking buck ass naked through the locker room on nearly a daily basis. Now, these women have a sense of comfort in their body that seems to be lost on my generation. I was intrigued by sagging breasts and old vagina... catching glimpses when I wasn't trying to look. Do not be mistaken. Old vagina is a trainwreck. If ever in the situation, you must look at old vagina to see, if nothing else, your future as you, too, one day will either a) possess an old vagina of your own or b) be married to someone who has an old vagina. After weeks of encountering breasts so saggy that they could accidently get caught in the zipper of their pants if not careful when putting them on, I found myself being much more confident in my own nudity in the locker room. I, however, make sure that I keep the lawn trimmed... something lost on that generation. I swear I saw more bush than you could find in a South American rainforest.
There is a downside to being surrounded by old vagina. Old vagina isn't generally aware of what's going on around them. I mean, I'd think if they were aware, they'd put on some fucking panties. Regardless... one morning, after finishing an intense session with my trainer, I had showered and laid out my work clothes on the bench in front of me. I often get excessively warm while blow drying my hair and putting on my makeup, so I decided to go topless to finish my grooming routine. Standing in front of the vanity I dry and straighten my hair, paint on my makeup perfectly so and do a double check before heading back to my clothes a mere 15 feet away. As I approach my area of the locker room, I find my gym bag to be dumped on the floor, shoved out of the way without a second thought. I pick it up, place my things back inside and take a deep breath. I'm sure that somebody was trying to move it and just accidently knocked it over. That is until I can't find my work shirt. A grey cotton tunic type shirt with a deep low cut front and balloon sleeves. Looking around, my mouth drops open as I realize that there is in fact dripping wet old vagina and ass sitting on my shirt! This crazy old lady must have worked a little too hard at the water aerobics or she's just a total bitch because she stripped off her swimsuit, still soaking wet, and sat it right down on top of my shirt. She moved my bag, but she couldn't move my shirt?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I was shocked. For the first time ever, the filter between my brain and my mouth was clogged... no words could escape. Nothing could explain what happened in my head. The woman stood up, I picked up my shirt and was thankful that I had packed 2 that morning, unsure of what I would want to wear.
I left the locker room that day disgusted. I made a point to tell my trainer during our next session and to walk up to the pool window and point her out. Apparently, she's crazy. Still not an excuse for sitting her dripping wet old vagina and ass on my shirt.
The month of April was full of strange observations. I found people on the highway picking their nose while driving. I don't mean just a single digit in the ol' nostril. I mean elbow high, knuckles bent, digging for gold in a mine that is empty! One guy had his elbow out the drivers side window! Found another asshole reading their kindle while driving. Seriously? I love reading, too, but not enough to do it at 70 mph in rush hour traffic.
April was here and gone, but I'm back and will be writing far more regularly! I'm so sorry for leaving you all hanging. Oh, and I hope none of you get nightmares from reading about old vagina.
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